The Resilience Coach

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Are some people naturally more resilient? It’s times like these that push people’s resilience to the limit

Is resilience innate or learned? Facing a difficult situation is the only way to find out how resilient you naturally are. So many people have been discovering this for themselves, potentially for the first time, in the current pandemic. Yet history is littered with people and communities who have had to face all sorts of problems and prejudices that push their resilience levels to the limit, sometimes on a daily basis. Loss of liberty, unfairness and injustice.

A few recent examples that spring to mind include racism and the Black Lives Matter movement, the fight for justice for Grenfell tower residents, everyday sexism and gender inequality, the Windrush generation, our key workers and healthcare workers, attitudes towards working mothers, treatment of the LGBT community, treatment of disabled people...I could go on, there are frankly far too many examples, but you get the idea.

Unfortunately in some cases these injustices have been going on for centuries. Those who have to fight to be heard, who are demonised, and who struggle to live in a world that prefers to ignore or marginalise them, often develop enormous resilience. As a white male in the western world I am acutely aware of my own privilege, and recognise that there are many battles others face that I don’t. I’m not trying to pretend I know what it feels like to be in their shoes.

Empathy and community are more important than ever. Photo Aaron Blanco Tejedor Usplash

It strikes me though that these groups demonstrate all six aspects of the Resilience Wheel to some degree. What seem to be the key elements they have in common that enable them to keep fighting for their rights are:

  1. A clear purpose. They understand exactly what they want to achieve, and have a coherent plan of how to get there

  2. An inner confidence. Self-belief that what’s happening to them is wrong and unfair and they have the power to bring about change

  3. Perspective. They can envisage a better future, they don’t catastrophize or feel hopeless. Even in the most challenging circumstances, they can see light at the end of the tunnel

  4. Self-care. This is also an essential element, to be able to pause and reflect, restore energy levels, and then keep going.

The strength and resilience demonstrated by many marginalised groups reminds me of a quote by Maya Angelou, the poet and author, who wrote in, Letter to my Daughter;

“You may not control all the events that happen to you,

but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”

People who make this decision each day are the absolute embodiment of resilience.

Our capacity to find Perspective in any situation, is a key element of Resilience. Photo Nathan Dumlao Unsplash