Are some people born resilient, or is resilience learned?

I have recently started presenting a slot on the YOWAH (Your Happiness and Wellbeing) radio station on Saturday afternoons, which I’m really enjoying. On the last show we asked listeners to tell us what resilience tips or information they would like to know more about. One area which people asked about was whether resilience is something we are born with, or can it be developed?  

It is an interesting question. We all have an innate level of resilience, which varies from person to person, but our attitude to life plays a major part in how resilient we are. This is largely shaped by our life experiences, both good and bad. You may think those who have experienced good fortune would find it easier to take a positive ‘glass half full’ approach, while those who have suffered some hard knocks along the way would find it harder to keep picking themselves back up again. It is often only in tough times that we get to find out the true extent of our resilience though. Many people may feel their resilience has been tested by recent events. It may have helped them to understand what their own resilience levels are like.

Often marginalised or persecuted groups demonstrate enormous resilience in the face of adversity - those who have lived through wars, faced abuse or been unfairly treated find the strength to keep going and fight for their cause. Their strength, dignity and belief that they can build a better future demonstrates real resilience.

We are all born with a certain amount of resilience, but it is not fixed. We can help to build on it by making a conscious effort to work on our resilience and mindset regularly. This means working on all aspects of the Resilience Wheel to develop resilience and a growth mindset. This helps us to approach new ideas and opportunities with an open mind.

Open minded people tend to be more curious about the world around them, are open to new concepts, and feel empowered to shape their own future path. Closed minded people by contrast feel less able to steer their own ship. They believe life is something that happens to them, and they have to find a way to cope with the setbacks, living life reactively rather than driving towards their goals and ambitions. This is ‘coping and surviving’ mode, rather than ‘thriving’.

How do you enable yourself to be open and curious?

Consider this: are you open minded or closed minded? It’s not really an either/or question, but more a scale that we all sit somewhere on. Where we sit can change over time too, it is not fixed. Our life experiences can impact where we are on this scale, but it can also change following therapy, counselling, a major life event or even a series of smaller events.

There is a very effective way to develop more resilience too. From my membership of The Oxford Review, I spotted that they highlighted and reviewed a study that followed 2,000 people through a period of their lives to see how resilient they were. Regardless of their personal circumstances, if they, or someone they knew, was able to identify their strengths and skills, and they spent time developing that skill, their resilience improved. This could have been anything from tap dancing or playing the trumpet to learning a new language. No matter what the activity, spending time developing a skill improved resilience.

Those who understand the importance of building their resilience tend to have one thing in common. They spend around ⅓ of their time working on their Adaptability and stretching themselves. This is not selfish. These people know that taking time to challenge themselves and grow affects their attitude and helps build their resilience. This benefits everyone around them, helping them perform better at work, build more meaningful relationships and become more empathetic and supportive. Some lucky people might naturally do this, while others have to consciously decide to do it.

A Harvard study into what made people successful (what does success even mean? I feel another blog coming on!) found one commonality: successful people had a clear understanding of what they wanted to do and also which skills they would need to get there. They then had a clear plan in place to build the right skills and experience. This often meant veering off in a different direction rather than climbing a vertical predictable career ladder.

They took control of their own destiny, identifying a goal and the skills needed to do it, while not letting self-limiting beliefs or closed-mindedness prevent them from changing direction. They also practiced self-compassion, understanding that everyone has unhelpful thoughts and feelings sometimes, but they don’t have to control your behaviour.

So, in answer to my original question, are some people born resilient? The answer is to some degree yes, but there is a lot you can do to help build your own resilience reservoir, and many benefits to taking the time to do this.

What Resilience questions would you like me to answer on Yowah Radio?

If you have any questions about resilience, please let me know what they are, as we may be able to answer them on my Saturday afternoon radio show, broadcast at 3-6pm every Saturday on YOWAH radio. I’d love to hear from you.